Rise and Shine Girl Blog

Wow…2018!  I’m so happy to be here!  There are times I thought I may not, but this isn’t what I want to write and get out of my head.

For many, many years I have lived by the personal motto, “Rise and Shine”.  No mystery here considering this is the name of this blog.  I still live with this motto.  How could I not when it is tattooed on my wrist?  This will always be a part of my fabric. These three words have been my life preserver!

2017 had almost one hundred percent “ups” in my mental health.  I have gone the longest period of time without a major depression episode. This battle began seven years ago, well the bouts did, but my work and effort to limit the bouts only began in August 2016.  The first four months are nothing I would wish on my worst enemy.  At the same time I don’t know if I have ever, ever worked so hard at something in my life. This counterbalances all the strife I’ve had as I have learned just how resilient I am. My kids witnessed this as well.  The work didn’t stop after I climbed out of the valley.  It’s everyday work and attention I must give to my mental health. As a result I have gained some awesome people in my life while at the same time I’ve seen the true colors of others, who are no longer on my life train.  This is a gift as I despise the fake and the freeloaders.  With that said it doesn’t mean I’m not sad about these losses.

I do feel, and I hate to use this metaphor, like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes.  Let’s see, I’ll make up my own…how about the beautiful piece of greenery that pushes through the crack in a concrete wall or sidewalk?

I’ve learned to accept a new diagnosis. Out with the old, major clinical depression, and in with the new, Bipolar II.  What is Bipolar II? To quickly break it down in terms of my experience; I have a greater risk of depressive episodes and if I have a run in with hypomania I feel like Wonder Woman. I have a sense I can do it all along with an increased level of creative juices.  I don’t go off and spend all my money, take exotic trips or go on a sexcapde (this would be an example of Bipolar I behaviors).  I’m tethered to the ground. I simply have energy that carries me a long way compared to when I live along my baseline. As a result I’ve made changes in my daily living. I also know who I am more fully. I’m almost crystal clear on what needs to be part of each day I’m living.

1. Sleep…I need a consistent sleep schedule. I’m a super early riser making me no longer the girl shutting down the dance floor. But…not to say I don’t make exceptions from time to time.  A girl’s gotta get her groove on and cut a rug.  This is good for the soul!
2. Exercise…needs to be part of my routine regardless of how I may be needed by someone or something.  Vacations can no longer be a vacation from sweating!
3. Eating…I try my best to eat healthy, but still drink too much coffee and battle with the sugar monster.  I’ve never been a big alcohol drinker. I only have a drink when I want one, not when I’m with others and feel like I should join in to make them or myself feel more comfortable.
4. I take my medicine!  Big one as I’ve never been good at taking any pills on a consistent basis.
5. I limit my social time.  I have learned I’m an introvert.  I love people!  I especially love meeting new people, but I now realize it zaps a lot of my energy.  I can no longer say yes to every social gathering or fundraiser. In fact, I can no longer tolerate the small talk at big events. I’d rather be home as a nerd reading in my Archie Bunker Chair.
6. I can’t take on other’s issues. I can’t be there for everyone.  I need to prioritize and delegate.
7. I need to limit the number of times I drop everything when my kids “need me”.  They don’t need me every single moment something goes wrong.  After all I want them to learn to problem solve and become more resilient. After all this supports a greater sense of self esteem.
8. I’m not Johnny-on-the-Spot in returning phone calls or texts. I need to prioritize based on time sensitive issues and content.  If I do too much I get drained.
9. MUSIC…is one of my saviors.  Oh as well as yoga and meditation.
10. GUILT needs to move on.  I can still feel it when it presents itself, but then I need to go tell it to take a hike!
11. I’m a creative. I don’t fit in a box…I never have.  Whether it’s the various friendships I have in my life, music, books and art selections, interests, and career choices.  I need to be fluid.
12. When I wake in the morning I now have a list of questions I ask myself to gauge where I am on the spectrum of my mental health.
13. I need time alone..more than I would have ever thought or believed to feel comfortable with.
14. I have been touched by so many people in discussions of their place in life..their battles.  People who I don’t know who have reached out as a result of my writing. People from my past who I haven’t seen in twenty years and may not have known well. Community members or local friends who have shared with me their struggles.The beauty of it…I see REAL and AUTHENTIC people more and more. This is the biggest BLESSING! This is healthy for me!  This allows the stigma to dissolve each time I share and show I can live a life full of successes.

I’m sure other things will come to mind that can be placed on the list above. But for now,  I gather the pieces, the bits and use them to keep me grounded.  Not only in my health and thinking, but grounded to being here…here at this moment!

Rise & Shine