Rise and Shine Girl Blog

The summer between undergraduate and graduate school I took a summer position helping teenager who were wards of the state learn to become independent.  These were kiddos who once upon their 18th birthday were released from the state being their guardian and were now on their own.  Can you imagine one day you are 17 and the next day you are 18 and your parents say “Goodbye, nice knowing you, go take care of yourself.”  I know there may be times in your teen years you would have wished to be released from parental authority, but at the end of the day we all know how important it is to have a safety net.

During that summer I was asked to take over a case while another social worker was on vacation.  So, for almost one month I worked with a 19 year-old kid I’ll call Sunny. I won’t go into all of the details of Sunny’s life as unfortunately it follows the stereotypical path of the teenagers, who are wards of the state, we read about in the news.  Sunny had his own apartment and job.  It was the task of our team to give Sunny a framework and structure to live an adult life.  One day a kid, the next, welcome to ADULT RESPONSIBILITY!

I would check in with Sunny three times a week.  Sometimes  we would go over budgets, others how to clean, and often times we would work on communication skills as Sunny was a bit rough around the edges.  He had this smile that would light up a room, stories that were amazing (not sure which ones were real and/or exaggerated), an infectious laugh and looks that could kill.  Keep in mind that I was 22 at the time, so this was a true test of maintaining professional boundaries.

I was often amazed at how Sunny carried himself through life.  Smile on his face, chuckles in his pocket and a story to tell at the drop of a hat.  Unfortunately that all came to an end too soon!

I received a call one afternoon asking me to come into the office. Due to circumstances at the time I couldn’t, so then I was asked to sit down.  I heard, “We found Sunny in his bathroom hanging from the shower curtain pole.  Marnie Sunny is no longer with us.  Don’t start questioning yourself and what you could or didn’t do.  This was his choice.”  I don’t want to go into all of the details of how this affected me as I think most people can imagine.  I didn’t share that news with anyone I knew at the time.  In fact since that day I have only talked about it a few other times besides typing it here on this page.  Why do I share this now?

I share this because I think I met a Robin Williams the day I met Sunny!  Sunny suffered from severe depression.  He had wounds that ran so deep.  Instead of having those wounds drag himself down, he used humor and a smile to get him through life and occasionally some recreational drugs here and there.  Sunny was in therapy and Sunny took medication for his depression.  Sunny on that hot summer day just must have decided it was enough!

I met a Robin Williams again in female form a couple of years back on my therapy couch. She had the greatest gift of sarcasm I had ever seen, she experienced a life that one couldn’t fathom.  A life that would make an unbelievable screen play.    I received a similar phone call one day asking me to sit down.  I was told that this sunshine of a lady had shot herself in her bathroom.  Her depression got the best of her!

I know a Robin Williams who has a sense of humor that makes me pee my pants and has given me wrinkles from all of the smiles and laughter.  A Robin Williams who will do anything for you and has a heart of gold.  A Robin Williams who takes the time to let you know you are special to them.  A Robin Williams who people would be shocked to know that the biggest battle this person has faced is depression.  This Robin Williams called me one day to talk about the dreaded depression monster.  This Robin Williams told me they took a rope, tied it around their neck and tried to hang themselves on a door knob.  Just as this Robin Williams felt they were taking their last breath a voice told them to stop.  Fortunately this Robin Williams had enough energy to change the course of their life by untying themselves.  This Robin Williams will continue to battle with the dreaded depression monster, but this Robin Williams is still breathing…Thank You God!

Depression comes in many forms and has several causes.  Depression is a disease in the brain. The brain isn’t functioning at its best, some days may be better than others.  It is like any other injury to the body.  We give compassion to those who have cancer, broken bones, those who need new organs, those who have heart conditions and those who have anything else going on in their bodies.  We give them compassion and understanding when they are here with us on earth and when they have departed.

The brain is an organ.  An unbelievable organ that we really know little about.  Our brain is the quarterback of our game, the director of  our movie, the chef to our meal… Need I go on?

Why then do we seem to only show compassion for those who have died with depression?  It is time we have compassion for those who are LIVING with depression and other mental health issues.  There are so many Robin Williams out there.  The study of mental health illnesses is tricky and has a long way to go.  Funding is needed, researchers need to be groomed and knowledge needs to be shared.  The simplest and first thing we can do is to give compassion now, not when the Robin Williams have taken their lives, but now when they are here with us!