Rise and Shine Girl Blog

I have hemmed and hawed in my head as to whether to share the following details of my life in written word.  Last night I received the answer, so here goes.

It is 8:30 am on an August Friday morning this past summer.  I get the usual morning call from Buddha (my husband) checking in to see what the kids and I have going on for the day.  My first thought was to pull myself together and attempt to respond in my normal manner, but then I just felt it, I knew I had to tell him what was and had been going on in my head…my brain.  I said, “Buddha, something is wrong with me.  I’m not right.  I’m still in bed, I don’t want to get out and I don’t have the energy to keep going.”  In a calm and caring way Buddha asked some questions.  This led me to tell him I had thoughts of hopelessness and questioning why I was here and not sure if I should be here.  You could say, or I should say I had some suicidal thoughts.  Not the kind where I was thinking of how I wanted to take my life and what a relief it would be, but more along the lines of what is the point of all of this, I’m tired of feeling this way, why has this started happening to me.   I told Buddha I was thinking of taking myself to the hospital as I knew something wasn’t right, I was concerned as to what was going to happen and I couldn’t go on like this anymore.  After some talk back and forth, we made another plan, we contacted a psychiatrist for me to see, but I was going to need to wait until Monday as she was out of town.  I have to admit making that appointment, even though I needed to wait a couple of days, gave me a small bit of hope to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other…take one moment at a time.

Now going back a couple months earlier from August is when this all began.  It was the last day of school and my kids where excited!  We had some great plans for the summer.  First on tap, our usual trip to Chicago to see family and friends with the cherry on the top, meeting our brand new family member Sadie!  There were also camps, the usual summer routine in Texas, chillin in the pool and hanging with friends.  Oh, new for this past summer was my son’s blossoming entrepreneurial skills, but that is another blog in itself!  The second big excitement on tap was a trip to Sweden and Norway to see our exchange kids, brother and sister, along with their families.  Who wouldn’t be excited and thrilled to have a summer like this?  Me, I had very little energy, excitement, focus, desire, and will to put forth this past summer.  Why, I know now, and can say it with my feet on the ground, head held high and with a mind that is properly wired that I have a battle to fight and that is called Depression.

I also have a new addiction and that is called TED talks.  I am attaching a link here for the TED talk I happened to come across last night and gave me the motivation to say out loud that I have depression.  I could go on and explain more about depression, but this remarkable 19 year-old does a fantastic job and has hit all the points I would share, so as they say why reinvent the wheel.  I encourage you to take the time to watch this TED talk as it is only 10 minutes long.  Whether depression has personally touched your life or a loved one, or you wake up every day with the wiring to protect you from depression, this is a great 10 minutes that can be mind, opinion and life changing.  We need to talk about depression and mental health.  The brain is a part of the human body and can get damaged and broken like any other organ/part of the human body.  Please feel free to share this post along with the link to the TED talk.

I will dedicate the next several blogs about my personal story as I know other people’s stories have helped me and I hope my story and taking a stand will help others.

http://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_breel_confessions_of_a_depressed_comic.html

RISE AND SHINE!