Rise and Shine Girl Blog

The day has come!  I knew there was a point I would share the story I’m about to tell, but I wasn’t sure when that would be.  When this day arrived I always told myself I would know it by what is happening around me.  I know several people who are going through some tough times, not to mention the town where I live has had many moments of sorrow between losing a high school kid to the flu, fatal car accidents and losing a wonderful teacher!  In times like these it is common to ask “why”.  There are people who have faith and believe these types of things are God’s plan, while others may say this is Satan taking over.  It could also be as simple as “stuff happens”.

I have personally had several challenges in my life that have put my beliefs to the test.  In fact, when I was younger, I think I purposely put myself in challenging situations to see how life would play out and if God would step in.  Whether I was running the streets of the South Side of Chicago after foster care kids, biking from Minneapolis to Chicago, interning at Cook County Hospital, working in Methadone clinics around the country, I knew deep down inside there was something bigger than me and that having faith in a higher power was more important than what worshipping place one attends or what religion one says they belong to. 

There is no doubt my faith has been tested over the years. I spent almost a month sleeping in the ICU away from my family as my brother worked his way back to living after a horrendous car accident.  My heart was once broken when the one I loved no longer loved me back.  I have had the heartache of pregnancies not ending with the ultimate beautiful pictures one sees of a mother holding her baby.  Loved ones have moved on in body to where I don’t get to see them as I’m accustomed to.  I work with clients who have been through hell and back, sold as children, abused beyond comprehension and have never witnessed unconditional love.  I don’t list these experiences to have a pity party for myself; I want to show that I have lived.

Recently I was in Target and ran into some good friends who had family in town.  We stood there for about 15 minutes chit chatting and laughing it up!  Who knew Target could be the social gathering place!  Later I received a text from my friend.  He said, “You were so funny today!  Pure comedy!”  I read that a few times and it got me thinking.  My way in life has been to use humor to balance the challenging times.

In the world of therapy we are trained to have strict boundaries as a counseling session is all about the client and not about us and our ego.  There is a time and a place when a therapist can share information about themselves, but we must first ask how the information would benefit the client.  There are very few times I share my “stuff” with clients.

There is one story I have shared more than once and with not as much detail as I’m about to write.  Let me preface this by saying, if you are eating or have a weak stomach, you may want to stop and think before moving on.

About four years ago, we decided to go to Disney over Spring Break.  I must say that this was all for the kids as I would prefer to spend my time elsewhere. Seeing as we were going to Disney, we knew we couldn’t go without the world’s biggest Disney fans…the Griswolds!  We had a great time!  We did all the Disney things, played, ate, swam, walked, traveled to several countries and decided to end our stay with a Luau.  Buddha left a few days early as he had to head back to Texas to save lives!

After having a great feast, shaking our hips and enjoying our last evening together we made our way through the Polynesian jungle to trek back to the Caribbean.  Seriously, where else can you take a tram and a couple of shuttle buses and travel to different parts of the world?  Well as we were still walking the jungle of Polynesia I heard and felt a rumble.  No, not a tsunami, it was my tummy!  The sharp pains, sweat, and the feeling of explosions occurring in my body took over.  I looked at Pops and said I didn’t feel well and needed to get to a bathroom.  Moments later, sitting on the porcelain throne was pure heaven.  I felt so good!

We made it to the tram to take over to the Magic Kingdom where we would catch the shuttle bus to head back to the Caribbean.  It was a busy time of night as the Magic Kingdom was closed for the evening and people were standing in line to catch their shuttle to their final destination of the evening.  We were in line for the shuttle when the knives started to stab my insides again.  I thought I was going to pass out, so I began to walk away and pray for this horrible pain ripping my insides out to go away.  My mom followed me as I made my way to lean against a fence as I was holding on for dear life.  This feeling was worse than childbirth!  Moments later I told my mom I was dying and couldn’t hold it anymore!  At that point it was like Mount St. Helen’s exploding, but instead of lava flowing down the volcano, it was a big hot mess shooting down my legs and out my new capri pants!  My first words were, “thank you God!  I feel so much better!”  Moments later reality hit me as I said to my mom, “What are we going to do!”  As those words came out of my mouth it was announced that there would be one more round of shuttles buses for the night.  In Disney you can’t just hail a cab, so we needed to make that shuttle.

My mom’s first thought was to see if she could go into the Magic Kingdom and buy me a pair of shorts, great idea but they were closed for the night.  I was still in shock and so glad death had escaped me, but soon the reality of my situation was taking hold.  How was I going to get on a shuttle with a mess dripping down my legs and a smell following me everywhere I go!  At this point my mom went into “mom mode”.  Mom mode is when problem solving takes over and you will do anything for your child.  She ran over to Pops who fortunately brought his big zip up sweatshirt out for the night, and then headed to a couple with a baby and asked if she could borrow some wipes.

Moments later my drawers were dropped with my backside facing the Magic Kingdom, my mom held the sweatshirt in front of me as I used the wipes to get myself all spic and span.  Wipes, pants and undies in the garbage, the bottom half of my body was giving the Magic Kingdom a second moon for the evening!   The sweatshirt soon became my outfit to wear back to the hotel.  Before making our way back to the shuttle line I looked at my mom, handed her my phone and said, “Please take my picture.”  I can’t even describe the look on her face, but being the good mother she is, she obliged to my request. 

I have been on many bus rides, El rides, taxi adventures, but never one where I was going commando style!  My family surrounded me as I boarded the bus.  The rest of the riders must have questioned what type of family we were as you couldn’t slip a hair between our bodies!  We were so stuck to each other as everyone tried to surround and protect me from humiliation and full exposure!  My family not only had my back, they had every direction covered!

Why did I ask my mom to take a picture of me?  Well, I had a brief flash that a picture of that moment would be helpful to me at some point.  I was so right!  Not only has it been helpful to me, I have shared it with some friends and a couple of clients.  Why?  Well, the picture represents this to me (please excuse my language)…”If you are having a shitty day…nothing can get shittier than this!”

I have been asked why I don’t include photos in this blog and the answer is I want readers to create their own images as they read, not to mention do you really need to know what I look like or what the other people in my life look like?  With that said, this will be the one and only time I will include a picture as I have witnessed this picture help people.  So with that said and my ego completely pushed aside and buried, I share with you the photo my mom took that day.  I give you permission to share this with anyone you think this may help.  Let my shitty moment be a reminder to the masses that life happens and we need to roll with it!

RISE AND SHINE!

It is true and my husband knows.  A good friend of mine says my midlife crisis is a soft weenie.  I on the other hand think he is HOT! We met two weeks ago today while walking the aisles in a store.  Let’s go back to that day.

Being the “Best Mom Ever”, as Cole likes to call me when he is looking to have me do something for him, I headed out to get some fresh crickets for Ares.  I was looking forward to a little time to myself in the car as I drove to the pet store.  Besides being in my powder room alone, I love being in the car alone, heaven! 

I headed into the store and walked over to where they keep all of the “live” food.  Just in case you aren’t aware of what types of options are available, I’ll take a moment to fill you in.  The menu includes, large and small crickets, meal worms, super worms, mice and one can even purchase frozen mice if the live ones are a bit daunting.  Fortunately for me, I was just purchasing a bunch of crickets.  Sorry Jiminy Cricket!

While standing and waiting for my 50 crickets my eyes wandered to the Beta fish.  I begin to ponder the idea of getting Mia a Beta fish.  After all, Cole has learned a great deal by having Ares and I have seen him take his responsibility seriously.  Maybe getting a fish would teach Mia the lesson of responsibility and then that would transfer over to taking responsibility of cleaning her room.  Okay, a mom can dream!  I decided to think about it for a few moments as I walked the store to get a few more items.  Little did I know that destiny would step in within moments.

While walking the aisles and thinking I needed to move along as I needed to be somewhere in a couple of hours, my brakes halted me to a stop, Barry White music rang in my ears, and our eyes locked.  Those big brown eyes had me from the moment I saw them.  I couldn’t resist!  I had to have him!  I learned his name was Rudolph, but current people in his life called him Buddy.  I didn’t care what his name was, I had to have him!  So here it has been two weeks sleeping with my midlife crisis, getting kisses and cuddling on the couch.  I just love my Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot DOG…Vilne!  Yes my little wiener dog!

This little 10 pound dog exemplifies the true meaning of unconditional love.  As you read the following think of the book, “If you Give a Mouse a Cookie”.  If you have no idea what book I’m referring to go find it.  It is a children’s book which can be applied to all situations in life.

If you bring home a dog spontaneously your children with love you more!  Your children may love you more, but your husband may think you are crazy!  When a new dog comes in the house, your current dog may decide to mark his territory.  If your current dog decides to mark his territory the new dog may try to do the same.  If the new dog decides to do the same, you will hear your family members call for you more often as they don’t want to clean up the messes.  While you’re cleaning up the messes you will look down at that 10 pound of cuteness and want to cuddle him.  While cuddling him you might find yourself talking to him like a baby.  If you begin to talk to him like a baby, your mind may wander to wondering if he would fit in a baby Bjorn.  When you think of a baby Bjorn, you may start to think of your children when they were babies.  Thinking of babies may lead you to carrying your dog around like

a baby.  You may love this dog so much that you will do anything from allowing him to run away as he squeezes through the fence.  If he does squeeze through the fence on a Sunday morning, you may find yourself walking the woods in your pajamas like a vagabond. Not wanting to have another experience of wandering in the woods you may decide to buy a long dog leash to tie around a tree to keep the dog in the yard.  You will probably decide to tie the lease to the closest tree to the door, so you don’t have to walk far on a cold morning.  If the lease gets tangled around the tree you will need to bend down to untangle it which could lead to your hair attaching to the tree.  Your hair attaches to the tree because there is constant sap dripping down due to the pesky woodpecker, which has been taunting you for years, insists on pecking away at your pine tree.  Once you pull away from the tree you will soon realize that scissors or some crazy concoction may be in your near future.  A day later you may find your hair soaking in beer and then olive oil wrapped in saran wrap.  After the sap is removed from your hair you may start to think how you only have months left in your 30s.  Realizing this decade is almost over you may question if you want another baby before it is too late.   Hearing your children argue with each other will confirm you don’t want another baby when your new dog is the perfect substitute.  When you make the connection that you love this dog so much and your husband agrees he can stay, your children will think they have the best parents ever, well until you make them clean up the dog poop!

Moral of the story…it is possible to have a midlife crisis the entire family can benefit from.  Choose wisely!

RISE AND SHINE!

“Why do you have to always let people go by?!” Cole says to me as I’m dropping him off at school.  I say, “It’s called Karma, if you do good you will see good, do bad and you will see bad.”   At that point I witnessed the rolling of the eyes with the usual response of a sigh.  My day continued to show signs of Karma at work, mostly good, but a not-so-good one popped up.

After dropping off Cole I headed to the airport to pick up my parents who were arriving from Chicago at 9:05 in the morning!  They have been labeled by my siblings and me as The Griswolds.  I could tell one story after another to prove my point, so it may be just better to trust me on this one.

I pulled up to terminal A at the airport and there was my Pops waiting on the curb while my mom was probably inside talking to someone, who, well the options are limitless.  I grab the Griswolds, head back to the house and get them settled in.  Of course there was the usual walk around the house, paper and pen in hand as my Pops makes his punch list of what he plans to fix while visiting.  As it stands, at the moment, I will be getting new handrails on the stairs, a new secured toe board and my greatest hope is assistance with putting chicken wire around the fence to keep our newest family member from escaping, no not Ares.  We have a new wiener dog, Vilne.  Vilne will require an entire blog entry to himself, stay tuned.  When the punch list starts, I start calling/texting all the people I know who have tools, real tools according to Pops. 

Once the Griswolds were settled I headed to see some clients for the day with the plan upon my return to walk with the Griswolds to get Mia from school, oops and the dogs.  I arrived home just in time to get the pack of people and dogs together and head out on our journey.  Yes, journey!

By the time we were halfway to the school, Yoshi, relieved his bowels two times which means I had to hear Pops say over and over again how potent this dog is.  Fortunately, we pass a park halfway to the school which has a garbage can.  Pops decides to take a sprint with Vilne to dispose of the bag with the wretched smell.  At this point, my mom and I begin to laugh as we both think the same thing.  I say, “You know within minutes of getting rid of the bag, Yoshi is going to drop another present for him!”  Sure enough a block later Yoshi delivered, but not in a firm matter.  Dog walkers out there know what I mean.  At that point Pops is saying a few words under his breath and has a grimaced look on his face.  Thinking we are short on time, I place some leaves over the steaming pile of grossness and say, “We will get it on our way back.”  Honestly, in my head I was thinking this one can slide, maybe we will forget about this on the way back.

Moments later we are at the school at which point Yoshi decides to bark at a dog who was walking in front of us.  I knew this wasn’t a good sign as when Yoshi is in the car with me and sees this dog, he always responds with nonstop barking, hmm do they meet up during Yoshi’s neighborhood outings?  I instruct Pops to stay away from the main entrance from the school as I wasn’t sure how Yoshi would respond to all of the hustle and bustle once the kids are released.  Moments later I turn around and Pops is lying on the school lawn wrestling with Yoshi (do you see where the Griswold name comes in).  Mia runs out of school super excited to see the Griswolds and dogs; I’m like chopped liver at that point. 

We start the journey back home.  Pops, Yoshi and Mia are a block ahead of us trying to stay clear of the dog Yoshi insists upon barking at every moment he can.  Meanwhile my mom, Vilne and I are casually walking along.  Coming down the hill I see Pops on the ground again with the dog and meanwhile he is yelling up the hill at us, “Come on you slow pokes…oh that’s right Gimpy is with us!”  Yes, that is my latest nickname due to my ACL surgery.  I can’t help it that my gait is a bit off these days, but boy does it provide for great jokes from the Griswolds!

Just after calling his daughter names, Pops takes a seat on the grass…oh about three feet from the pile of leaves I created on our way to school.  I look at my mom and point out where Pops is sitting.  I must admit we both chuckled at that point.  Once we reach Pops some of the girls who were walking ask to pet the dogs so everyone stops in the area of the pile of leaves.   Talking, giggling and some, “Oh, they are so cute!” are heard.  I break up the party as we still have a ways to walk.  It is this moment that my belief in Karma plays itself out.  As Mia gets up off the grass I notice the pile of leaves is gone and the smelly, steaming present left by Yoshi is now smeared all over Mia’s suede boots!  Yes, Karma is a $!@#&.

The Griswolds insist upon trying to clean the boots when we make it back to the park.  Each with a boot in hand, they are on hands and knees attempting to wipe the boots clean.  I actually have pictures  documenting this to be used at an opportune time!  After the heroic efforts it was decided the boots needed to go right to the garbage can upon our return home.

So here I sit on a Sunday morning writing this while being reminded by Mia that I owe her a pair of boots.

Yes Cole, I believe in Karma and it plays out everyday in my life!

RISE AND SHINE!

A year ago today at almost the same time I’m writing this I was sitting in the lobby at The Mirage in Las Vegas talking to my dad on the phone as he described my mom’s, Marsha’s, last moments here on Earth.  Twenty-four hours earlier he called and said he was starting morphine as my mom was struggling to breathe.  At the moment he called I was sitting on a tour bus waiting to head to Hoover Dam.  It’s funny; I have the guy’s head who was sitting in front of me imprinted in my head as well as the distinct smell of the bus.  Oh how our senses have the ability to capture a moment.

At the time, several people felt it was a bit odd I had planned a last minute long weekend getaway for my family to Vegas.  I have to admit I felt the same way as well.  Seeing as it was last minute, it was a breeze to find tickets at decent prices and when isn’t there hotel availability in Vegas?  Why did I find it an odd place to book?  Typically I like places that are more real, with history and intriguing architecture.  Not to mention I like to spend more time outside than inside,  whereas Vegas wants you inside pulling money out of your pockets with no intention of putting money back in them!

I couldn’t find a place more opposite than how I like to spend my time.  At one point while going up an escalator on the main strip Cole says, “Wow mom!  The girls sure dress differently here!”  I follow his gaze to discover he is referring to the group of girls 5 stairs in front of us.  I think they were mistaken.  Tube tops are not meant to me skirts!  At that point in time, I suggested Cole pay attention to the architecture, well pseudo-architecture.

Later that evening my entire family was wiped out from the Hoover Dam excursion amongst the other things that filled our day.  I’m known to pack full days while on vacation…just call me “Julie” from Love Boat.  I have been caught a few times with a clipboard!  While they all lounged on the beds, I found my mind wondering as to what could be going on in Pennsylvania with my parents.  What was my dad doing?  Was my mom in pain?  Will I need to hop on a plane from Vegas and head to Philly?  I couldn’t take it anymore!  I needed a distraction!

I can’t explain why, but I decided to Google, “How to learn the running man dance”.  At the time, that was the dance of choice going around my kiddos’ school and Cole had it down to the tee.  He had tried to show me, but no luck there.  So, as my family was passed out I decided to teach myself along with the help from a YouTube video.  I stood in front of the skinny hotel mirror and danced away.  Not really, I stomped away, jumped away, skipped away, but no running man away.  I got so frustrated the “F word” escaped my mouth!  Usually I use “fudge sticks”, but this time I guess my psyche needed an extra edge to it.

It was at that point I saw a little light reflecting in the mirror and had a horrid realization…Charles, my calming Buddha, was videoing me the entire time and not only captured my lack of dance skills, but also captured my linguistic skills.  I was thinking everyone was asleep…they fooled me!

It’s funny how a year ago I was doing anything to not focus on what was unfolding in my life.  Hence, I think that is why I may have picked Vegas for our destination.  You can’t find a place more fake and surreal.  Vegas offered a good escape at the time!  Even as I sat in the lobby and heard the news from my dad, there was a part of me that felt what I was hearing wasn’t real.

Interestingly enough, last night and this morning are direct opposites of what I was doing last year.  I have spent the last 24 hours thinking a lot about my mom Marsha.  I’ve looked at videos and pictures, talked about her with my kids and Buddha, and this morning I went and explored nature in Texas during a snowfall.  Timing is everything…

There is a lot more I feel I need to get out and share.  Someday my hope is that this blog will be useful to my kiddos or frankly to anyone.  There is so much we can learn from each other, but oftentimes we are too busy running around to realize there are people and experiences in our midst we can learn from.  I regret not going to my mom Marsha when it could have benefited us both.  We don’t always have to run to the internet to find the answers, or to make us feel better.  My running man experience proves it!  The answer there is that I obviously am not wired to do the running man!

Enjoy a moment today!

RISE AND SHINE!

Okay, I must confess.  My reasons for going into the social work field aren’t all completely altruistic.  I made the connection that getting bachelors and masters in social work would keep me far away from the math department.  The only class I had to take to was probability and statistics and that is the one math course that makes sense, I can apply it to everyday life.  With that said, what I’m really saying is that I’m not much of a numbers person and unfortunately this flows over into how I pay our household bills.  I won’t bore you with my system, but let’s just say it isn’t full proof as to always paying the bills on time.  I think I’m still in the range of normal on bills missed with exception of our gas bill.  That clicking you may hear isn’t my fingers typing away it is my teeth chattering as my house is sitting at 65 degrees this morning, because somehow forgot to pay the gas bill for 4 months!  Frankly, I think it is the gas companies fault as I pay the bills I receive and I must not have received a bill for months.  I know I’m not taking responsibility here.  Anyway, they shut off our gas!

I spent 30 minutes last night trying to figure out why my stovetop wasn’t working.  I came to the conclusion that I finally burned it out with all the overflowing pots that somehow manage to find their way on my stove.  Later, I came home to a cold house.  The thermostat registered a few degrees lower than normal, so I came to the conclusion it needed new batteries.  I changed the batteries, no change in the thermostat.  Putting my thinking cap on, I went to the fireplace, turned on the gas and tried to lite it.  Nothing!  At that moment I knew, I would never hear the end of it!

I went into Cole’s room where he was waiting for me to tuck him in and gave him and Charles the news.  They looked at me and said, “No biggie, we can pay it and get it turned back on tomorrow.”  Then I decided to connect the dots for them and mentioned we get hot water as a result of having gas.  They looked at each other and said, “I guess we will just be brushing our teeth tomorrow!”

**Okay, I began this blog post Friday, yesterday morning, and then my day blew up so I’m now picking this up again.  When I’m referring to today it was really yesterday so at this point everyone has showered and we can stop spraying room freshener**

I then went on to say, it also means we won’t have heat for the night.  At that point I looked over at Ares our new reptilian addition to the family.  Yes, this is Ares the reason why I was on search for crickets in my last blog.  Anyway, Ares needs a warm environment to survive, hence he has a special heat lamp, but I was concerned that may not be enough for the night. Upon realizing this I recruited Charles to help me figure out how to keep Ares warm for the night.  Moments later we were wrapping a quilt around the tank.  Mind you it is about 10:30pm on a school night.  While being the good grandparents to Ares and caring about his wellbeing, Cole says, “Do you mind keeping it down…I’m trying to sleep.” 

It was at that point, my filter was gone for the day and words just flowed from my mouth.  “Wait a minute…Ares is yours…you can’t decide when you want to take care of him.  He is like having a baby, he needs you.  You are lucky he has grandparents who trying to make sure he doesn’t freeze tonight.  Do you know how many times in your lifetime I have been up with you while the bed was calling my name…?”  I probably went on for a few more minutes.  After I was worded out, Cole said he got my point and asked if he could go to sleep.  In all fairness, Cole has done an outstanding job taking care of Ares so far.  Wait true story, as I was just typing this Cole came up from downstairs and said, “Mom can you change my lizard light?”  “You’re asking me?” I say.  Cole, “Be a dear…”  It is 7am on a Saturday morning…Grandma M’s lizard light changing duties call…

Okay, I’m back.  I will admit this here.  I just love that little lizard!  He is so cute!  There is something about looking into a living creature’s eyes when you make a connection with them.  Yes, I’m saying that I have bonded with this lizard.  Cole would probably state too much seeing as I texted a picture of Ares’ first poop to Cole when he was at school.  Cole thought that was disgusting and I was wacked out. 

Well obviously Ares survived the night, but we humans unfortunately didn’t wake up to an 80 degree environment in the morning.  After the morning of getting the kiddos off to school I hit the gym.

**OMG!  Cole just yelled at the dog, Yoshi peed in the guest room and now I just finished a debate on why Cole should clean up his mess.   Yes, I used the card that I just changed the lizard light for him.  See Karma does exist!**

Arriving home I had about an hour before I needed to be at a lunch meeting.  The previous night after insulating Ares, I went on-line and paid the gas bill, but now I needed to call to have them turn our gas back on.  I placed the call and after several computer prompts and getting to a human I was told I would be schedule to have the gas turned back on for Monday.  The customer service rep went on to say that they do not do same day hook-ups.  Mind you, it was Friday when I placed the call.  I have to admit my blood starting boiling a bit, which actually warmed me up, but then I tapped into my Zen zone and very calmly asked to speak with a supervisor.

This is what I said, “Thank you for taking my call and let me just say that I know it is my fault that my gas was shut off, I take full responsibility.  I was told Atmos doesn’t have same day hook-ups and I understand that is the policy and I can accept that.  What I have a difficult time accepting is that Atmos chose to shut my gas off on a Thursday not knowing when I would realize it was shut off.  I didn’t realize we were without gas until after hours which then led me to make the call today.  Since it is Atmos’ policy not to do same day hook-ups, I’m now in a position where I have to go through the weekend without gas and it is expected to be one of the coldest weekends of the winter so far.  I wish Atmos would have thought through the consequences of turning off a household’s gas on a Thursday.”

The supervisor then offered to call the local office and squeezed me in for Friday.  I think I was successful because I took responsibility for my mistake, I channeled my disappointment towards Atmos not the supervisor I was talking with, and most importantly I think I had a good point.  Not to mention I had Ares to think about!

Gracious and thankful for the supervisor’s work I rushed to jump in the shower and then made the realization that it would probably be a cold one.  Luckily, there was hot or rather  warm water available, but it was bound to turn to cold at some point.  I tried to take a shower as quickly as I could with a constant fear that the cold water would be arriving any minute.  Ladies, it is that feeling you have while waiting for the next contraction during childbirth, best description I can think of.  Fortunately the cold water didn’t show up because it was bad enough stepping out of a warm shower into a 65 degree house.  Off to my lunch meeting I went while waiting for the 30 minute heads-up call from Atmos.

Needless to say I received the call that the technician would be at my house in 30 minutes just as I was sitting down at my lunch meeting.  Where at that point I needed to explain to the group of people the fiasco I created for myself by not paying the gas bill which then explained why I was dressed like it was 40 degrees out while it was actually 70 degrees.  My nose looked like Rudolph and my hands felt like ice cubes! 

I really didn’t want to leave the meeting because it was an instrumental one in regards to a fundraiser I’m working on.  So, I called my sweet neighbor who came over and helped the Atmos technician go throughout my house, which then led to my neighbor calling me freaking out about the fact that Cole has a lizard in his room.  She said, “We have so many lizards in our neighborhood, why can’t he just look out the window instead of keeping one in his room?”  Little does she know I used that same line of reasoning for a while and it worked until Cole approached me on a day when I was enjoying the feeling of Hydrocodone!

The last 24 hours have taught or reconfirmed several things to  me:

1. When you take responsibility for your own wrong doings people are more than likely to be willing to help you.
2. Check you SPAM box often because there could be a slew of electronic bills hanging out in there.
3. When dealing with customer service reps remember they are not the ones making the policies, so don’t take your frustrations out on them.  Point your level of frustration at the company at hand.
4. Maybe most importantly from a comfort standpoint, one of my water heaters is actually electric!
5. Finally, I’m in love with Ares!

RISE AND SHINE!

Warning-You may consider this to be TMI!

Those closest to me know that my escape is the bathroom. Actually, there are two different bathrooms I use.  The master bath is where I go when I need to be on the phone and don’t/can’t be bothered.  Well, that is usually wishful thinking, but it is the closest to having some moments of non-interruption.  The powder room, on the other hand, is where I usually start out my morning.  My dad, Dennis, and I remodeled it together a few years back and it is completely me.  So this morning, as usual, I started out my morning on my favorite chair, yes the porcelain throne, and then I heard a knock at the door.  “Yes” I say.  Cole’s voice, “The crickets are escaping!”

Rewind…

The end of 2012 brought a torn ACL for me which then involved surgery.  This led to the entire family altering how our household runs as my surgeon had me on crutches with no weight bearing on my left leg for 4 WEEKS!  He may have told me this during the consultation, but I honestly don’t remember hearing him state those words.  If I had, I can guarantee you  surgery would have been put on hold.  Think about it, the Christmas season is all hustle and bustle and I was far from having the hustle in my bustle!  Needless to say, I had surgery on November 30^th which put me on crutches through December 28^th!

I have to say that I said a few key words when I learned I tore my ACL and a few tears of frustration were shed, but then there was a turning point when I realized what a blessing it was.  Here is what I learned:

1.  I have the best friends and neighbors in the world.  My family had a warm cooked meal delivered every other night for about 3 weeks.  My kids were transported around and got where they needed to go, and funny and inspiring cards showed up in my mailbox and texts came across my phone.
2. My husband and kiddos are troopers.  They had to take on all aspects of taking care of the house and did it without complaint!  Well, Mia, the diva, did have her moments, but after all she is only 6 years old.  Her awesome hugs, kisses and I love yous made up for her rolling of the eyes when asked to take on more chores.
3. When verbally giving instructions to your pre-teen son on how to do the laundry, don’t forget to mention that wet clothes should not sit in the washer for more than 24 hours.  Local friends, please let me know if we smell like mildew.   I have become so accustomed to the smell that I can’t whiff it anymore!
4. There comes a time when you need to let your dog know who is boss, or at least attempt to.   Yoshi insisted to share a chair with me during my recovery.  Which leads to it may have been a good idea to hide any camera taking electronics in the house as family members apparently love to take pictures of you when you’re doped up on pain meds and the dog is using various parts of your body as a pillow.
5. When you admit out loud that you need to make a change in your life and don’t follow through, someone else may do it for you!  My friend Bronwen witnessed this with me!
6. The Christmas season doesn’t necessarily have to be all decked out, spent running from store to store, having every cookie baked, and attending every party in order for it to be the best one ever!
7. Be careful how much pain medicine you take!  Upon somewhat of an overdose I agreed to let Cole get a Bearded Dragon, which as of this morning, led to going on search for the escaped crickets and cutting short my time in the powder room!

I could continue on with the various lessons learned, but the bottom line is good can come of what you think is bad.  It is up to you to decide how to view it!

Rise and Shine!

I sit here in Penn State’s backyard, Philadelphia.  Any opportunity given, the local news has a blurb on Sandusky and the most recent individuals coming forward, as well as possibilities of what Sandusky can face.  Yes, this is important news, but I wonder if there is other information that would be more  important to hear instead of the same one minute blurb about Sandusky, bail and court hearings.  What about focusing more on what can be done about sexual abuse?  As I have mentioned before, I honestly don’t think child sexual abuse will ever go away.  It is not like some virus or disease we will eventually find a cure for.  So, when the possibility of a cure is not possible we must then look at prevention as well as opportunities to assist the abused in their healing process.

My focus today is on what we tell our children in regards to preventing sexual abuse.  To sum it up, for the most part we teach kids about their “private parts” and that no one should touch them.  We add disclaimers like, “Your doctor can during a check up” or “Mommy and daddy can if they are helping you in the bathroom”.  We also tell them to say, “No” if someone tries to touch them or asks to touch them.  I’m not so sure that is always the best advice.  Hear me out…

Some parents who take an “old school” approach to parenting often tell their kids that they are not allowed to say “no”.   Heck, I don’t think I’m old school and I know there are times I have probably blasted my kids for telling me no.  This may sound familiar:

Parent: “When I say it is time for a nap, don’t tell me no, it’s time to go!”        

Parent: “What do you mean no, you don’t tell me no, this is my house!”

Parent: “I said finish your food before you get dessert, don’t tell me no.”

What I’m trying to say is generally speaking kids are taught they are not allowed to say “no”.  Several years ago there was a slogan for a national anti-drug campaign, “Just say no.”  Yes, I agree that is the ultimate goal when it comes to drug prevention, but I also think it isn’t that simple, nor is it that simple to tell a child to say no to a perpetrator.  There may be times a child doesn’t say no because they are threatened.  In some sexual abuse situations it may be pleasurable to the child, but they don’t understand how it’s wrong when they feel they aren’t being hurt.  It may be ingrained in a child’s head that children are not allowed to say no.  Do you get the picture?  If you stop and think you can probably come up with some other possibilities where the word “no” would be difficult to use.  Now I’m not advocating to stop telling children to say no, I want to add to what we tell our kids.

What we need to add is, “You are allowed to say no if someone asks to touch or touches you in your private areas.  If you can’t say no and something happens, then tell someone what happened.”  I would then go on to discuss who are the people in the child’s life who they could go talk to.  Give them reassurance that if they didn’t say no, it isn’t their fault as to what happened.  The adult put them in a position that is no place for a child to be.

It is simple-minded to think it’s easy for a child to, “Just say no”.  What we don’t want is a child feeling shamed and/or guilty if they didn’t say no. 

Just my thoughts…

Rise and Shine

Marnie

Seeing as it has been some time since I wrote a blog, I thought I should go back and read what I wrote.  I have never been one to keep a journal or diary, so I suppose this is the closest thing to it.  Wow!  Amazing how reading each of the entries brings me back those moments and thoughts.  I would encourage you to take the time to write down some things about your life or your thoughts and then go back and visit your writings.  If anything, it is like having an extra memory bank.

Going back over the blogs, I realize one of the links no longer works, the link for the Rise and Shine Girl site I created.  This site was created to give information regarding a girl group curriculum I created a year ago.  Last Fall I was all set to begin my programs, I had a list of girls signed-up and boom…life changed for me.

It was a Sunday afternoon in October and I was in the yard getting ready for the Fall (one of my favorite things to do).  My phone was attached to my hip while piping my tunes to my ears.  My listening pleasure was interrupted by a phone call which I chose not to answer.  I was in my moment!

An hour later I remember my phone rang and look to see if there was a message, it was my dad (I have 4 parents so this was my dad, Jay).  This is what I heard, “Honey its Dad, something happened to Marsha (one of my moms), we are at LeHigh Valley Hospital.  Its bad honey…Marsha has a brain tumor…please call me sweetie…”  I frantically run to my bathroom and dial the phone.  The bathroom is the only place where I can hide for a few moments without someone bothering me.  After about 5 minutes…then they come bother me.  To make a long story short, Marsha has a brain tumor and a diagnoses of Glioblastoma Multiforme or in other words, the brain tumor your don’t want to get diagnosed with seeing as there isn’t really a cure and the average life expectancy is 14 months.  The 14th month mark will fall around Christmas time this year.

Within days, I think because it is all a bit of a blur, my sister and I met up in Philadelphia and trekked to Lehigh Valley Hospital to see Marsha before her tumor resection and to support my dad.  Those 3 days were life changing for all of us.  Marsha took the stance that she was going to fight this and be one of the long-term survivors (the odds being like finding a needle in a haystack), my dad took the role of watching over Marsha, my sister was pregnant with her first child and preparing to start her family and for me, now that I look back, I went down a path of putting my life on hold waiting for Marsha to die.  Yes, that sounds harsh, but I mean, I put my life on hold so I could be available the moment the phone rang.  This resulted in the cancellation of Rise and Shine Girl.  I believe this also led me slip down a slippery slope that led to depression for me.  It didn’t happen immediately, it took about 7 months to catch-up to me.

Looking back I see that I was getting by all of those months.  I didn’t commit myself to anything, my motivation was low, I was irritable, I lost my exercise routine, my eating habits were poor and the list goes on.  It almost sounds like I was the one dying.  This all came to a head in June once Carl had left to go back to Sweden.  I think subconsciously I was holding myself together until he returned to his family.  Afterall, I wouldn’t want for him to go back and talk about his crazy and depressed American host mom.  The quick version is…I talked with my husband, mom, friends, and met with my doctor.  I got help.

In August with husband and kiddos in tow, we headed to Pennsylvania to visit my parents.  It was such a great trip!  We didn’t necessarily do anything special by vacation standards. I witnessed moments that will stay with me forever and they all happened in the confines of my parents’ home and in their backyard.  There’s not doubt Cole sensed Marsha was in a fragile state, he made it a point to tell her he loved her, not once but on several occasions. Mia was more huggy than normal which means she was non-stop. Charles was just great as usual. And for me… I began to live again!!!!

Here comes the part that you may think I have lost it and need to be committed or maybe not, maybe you have been fortunate to have a moment like this…

Mia insisted we bring her soccer gear to Pennsylvania seeing as my parents’ yard backs up to a beautiful soccer field on a mountain.  Naturally the week we were there it rained and was humid, but that would not stop Mia.  When there was a break in the weather Mia asked if I would play soccer with her.  Honestly, I wanted to say no.  Afterall, I had just showered and I was having one of those good hair days and you know what humidity does to hair.  Oh, the sacrifices we make for our kids.  Mia and I change and Cole gets the bug to join us.  We walk out through the sunroom and there sits Marsha on the deck.  I was excited to see she was up out of bed, so we chatted for a few moments and then moved up the mountain.  Ok, if you are a parent I’m sure you have had one of these moments…

The kids and I start passing the soccer ball around and Cole decides to take charge, Mia doesn’t like that, and World War III is on the brink of starting in Emmaus, Pennsylvania!  Moments later they continue on while I wait for them to stop and just as I’m about to jump in, Mia says, “It is just too hot and sticky.  I don’t want to play soccer anymore!”  She runs down the mountain, Cole looks at me and says, “Sorry Mom, Mia’s right” and proceeds to follow his sister.  Did he just say his sister was right?  Whoa…

Here I stand on the field with sweat running down my back, so I know I’m already in for another shower.  I decide to run the field, dribble the ball and take the time to be on my own.  I had a huge burst of energy and was having a great time.  Suddenly I look down the mountain and I see Marsha is watching me.  It looked like she may have been smiling, but it was difficult to see that far.  In that moment I stopped and bent down to pretend I was tying my shoe.  I felt horrible!  Here I was zooming up and down the field having a great time while Marsha sat on the deck watching me.  So many thoughts ran through my head, but primarily I felt guilty.  I felt ashamed that here I was running around while Marsha was confined to sitting in a chair with her legs wrapped and elevated (many complications came along with the cancer).  I decided I would fiddle around with the ball for a minute more, end and join Marsha on the deck.  Here is where the part comes in that you may think I have fallen off of my rocker.

I started out with a slow pace while dribbling the ball and then next thing I was running faster than I ever had while dribbling the ball flawlessly (if only my little Wonder Girl soccer team could see me).  Here’s the thing, I had no intention of running fast and I swear I wasn’t moving my legs, something else was.  Next, I hear, “Go..Go..Go..Go..Go”  I think it was Marsha’s voice.  I think…  It was female and soothing.

That moment changed me!  I began to live again.  I returned to Texas and the Marnie I knew was back in the house!  In fact, I think I’m the new and improved model.

What have I learned?

1.  When you strip your life of the things you enjoy and motivate you, you’re  bound to end up in a dark hole.

2.  Carpe Diem!

3. It is okay to get help.  When you are the strong one, the Rock of Gibraltar, your biggest weakness is not allowing yourself to become the one in need.

4. Cancer sucks!

5. Good can come of bad.

6. I’m thankful for every moment I have, good and bad.

7.  No matter the circumstances, our time here on earth should NEVER be spent waiting to die, we are to live while we are here.

RISE AND SHINE!

I’m back!  Well, it has been over a year since my last blog and life has happened, good life and not-so-good life. I have mentioned in the past this would not be a blog where I write posts to fill space.  This blog wouldn’t be fluff, nor would it be a blog where I try to seem funny, smart, etc.  This blog is to put thoughts out there and life happenings without worrying too much about grammar and spelling.  Neither of those are my strong suits and if I spent time focusing on the mechanics I would never put anything on this screen.

I write this morning because I have had enough!!!!  PENN STATE

I have had two experiences in the last few days where I have heard people mention they were tired of hearing about Penn State, Joe and Sandusky.  One person even said, “I just had to turn the TV off…enough of the Penn State scandal”.  Uh hum…scandal is not the word that goes in that statement, tragedy!  Furthermore, I’m so sorry hearing the harsh reality of what has happened at Penn State tires you, but calling the happenings a scandal and turning off the TV because YOU don’t want to hear about it anymore does what?  Now, I understand if you can’t hear it anymore because it may bring up your own personal past with abuse, but if it is purely because your tired of the information, don’t believe it happened, or want to live in your beautiful bubble with blurry rose-colored glasses, well SHAME ON YOU!

Now, if you are reading this and completely have no idea what I mean when I say, “PENN STATE” then you need to google it and you will find all of the necessary details.  I will not take the time to repeat the information here, google it and you will find all the information you need to get you up to speed.

Back to the “SHAME ON YOU!”  If you have followed the recent events at Penn State, shake your head, feel emotions (there is a whole bucketful), and then go about your business, then I say, “Is there something you can do to help?”  You say, “Help, what can I do to help..I have nothing to do with Penn State…I donate money to good causes…I pray for those people and all abused people/children…My plate is so full right now…What can I do?”

You know Penn State should not be a shock.  Do you remember the sexual abuse that occurred in the Catholic Church?  Do you remember hearing the variety of news stories over the years?  Did you see or hear how Oprah Winfrey had a show on men who were sexually abused as children?  Have you read some famous celebrities’ autobiographies?  If you are a local to where I live, do you remember the soccer coach?  What have you done after hearing about each incident of child physical/sexual abuse?  I venture to say…not much.  I’m sure you may have talked about it with friends, discussed how shocking the news was, felt bad for the abused, disgust for the abuser, hugged your children, maybe for a few days you were extra vigilant about your children’s safety, and the list goes on.

I know we live in a time when news stories flash before us, come and go, all while we are trying to stay afloat in our busy lives.  I’m telling you there’s so much you can do!

What upsets me the most about Penn State?  Boys and young men came forward, said they were sexually abused by Sandusky and the ball was dropped!  No, the football wasn’t dropped.  The hope and faith the boys had was dropped and crushed.  Do you have any idea the courage these young men have?  Yes, Joe took a stand and told administration what he knew, but once it was apparent Sandusky was still coaching Joe did nothing.  If you know abuse is happening and you don’t follow through until the abused are safe, then you are part of the abuse!  You are allowing the abuse to continue.  Don’t be a Joe…SAY NO!

My upcoming blogs will focus on ways you can help prevent abuse as well as help assist the abused.  Child sexual abuse is always a part of my daily plate.  I don’t like to say this, but I believe child sexual abuse will never go away. So, if it is here to stay we need to create an arsenal of weapons and tools to help fight it and protect the abused.  The first tool…Listen when they are talking to you!

I’m closing this blog with a paste-in of an email I composed the day the Penn State Sexual Abuse became public, ironic seeing as I didn’t have the TV on that day.  If you are moved the slightest by what is posted below, I urge you to do something…It can be local to you or you can join me.  Also, please feel free to pass this blog on to others.  Sharing information with others is another tool.  RISE AND SHINE!