My heart has been chipping, cracking, and breaking at speeds I have never experienced. I have cracks which have been spackled over. It may be time for the curator of my heart to call in a handy-woman to trowel, sand, and paint. The parts which have broken off are gone and traveled with whom or what they are attached to. The chips gather in my body and will make an appearance at a later time. Does this scare me? Fill me with sadness? Make me want to run, run faraway? It does not.
My heart for so many years, more than I’d like to admit, had been locked away. Fingerprints were allowed to hover above it, but nothing more.
I thought I was keeping it safe, protecting it, saving it for when I knew it would be cared for as it should. Fear had roosted in my body from such a young age. It was never a visitor it was a permanent intruder with a loud voice. Fear took the wheel without me knowing it. When it rained, fear refused to turn on the windshield wipers. With fear being the determined driver it became a protector. A protector of my heart. Fear meant well, but it did not serve well.
My heart smells fear as it ripples across water, as it drifts across the sky, when it rolls in during times of darkness.
My eyes see fear when it radiates from another beating, suffocating heart.
My ears hear it in words put out for those to hear. In steadfast words chiseled in stone as if they will protect the heart.
My embrace senses it, wants to squash it, tell it to leave so the heart can be felt.
My tongue tastes it as words leave my mouth. When the air is saturated with fear I can taste it as I breathe in.
When I look out into the world I see what fear serves. I know how it served me for so many, many years. I want to advocate, educate, alleviate, dissipate, evaporate fear away. It authentically serves in very few situations.
With fear pushed out and told to vacate, the heart beats stronger, truer, clearer and yes the heart will get chipped, it will crack, and can break. But, we are human and the heart is to feel, open, extend, share, radiate, motivate and be vulnerable.
Rise & Shine
Rise and Shine Girl Blog 