Today is a reminder of a great person who I was blessed to have in my life…Grandma Dot. It was five years ago today I received a phone call that she took her last breath. Yes, it was finally that phone call. I say finally as I had received numerous phone calls over the years letting me know that it might be “that time”.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and I couldn’t agree more! The tribal woman in my village was and still is my Grandma Dot. She was my go to, safety-net, good laugh, bank loan, accomplice in driving the streets of Chicago, role model, but most importantly the dot that kept me on the map. As I write this I realize not all people have the privilege of having grandparents in their life. Due to my parents’ divorce, I had seven grandparents in my life until I lost my Grandma Bo when I was 13. Five years ago today marks the end of having a grandparent here on Earth with me. I am blessed!
My grandma was born in 1913. Yes, she lived through the Great Depression; she was part of “The Greatest Generation” coined by Tom Brokaw. Words can’t describe her my grandma. As I type this I’m a bit lost on what to say. I think sharing what she taught me will give a glimpse of the kind of human being she was.
- She always told me, “Be good and if you can’t be good, be careful.” How practical and real is that? She knew that as I lived my years it was impossible to always be good, but when my path took a curve, and it did, she instilled that voice in me to listen to my gut, to pay attention if I was on the edge and potentially about to go too far.
- She gave even when she had to scrimp for herself.
- She listened! When I sat with her, she looked at me and I knew I had her full attention. Yes, I realize we didn’t have cellphones back then, but believe me she had enough on her plate where she could let her mind travel to. She was always present and let me know she was “all there” for me.
- When the going gets tough and it keeps going and going…don’t give up! My grandma’s life was anything but easy! She traveled as a dancer in the 1930s, met a man she fell in love with, he cheated on her as he was in the biz as well, she divorced him (not common back in those days), then married my grandpa who she would learn years later was manic depressive/bipolar after he drove his family across the country and spent the family’s money while they lived it up in California, she stood by her husband as he went in and out of mental institutions while raising 4 kids and losing a 5th, she provided for her family, nannied other families’ children to support her own, later took care of my grandpa after her had a stroke that left him partially paralyzed, Need I go on?
- She informed me of all the great pick-up lines, particularly, “Do I know you from somewhere?” According to her that is the oldest line in the book. Well, the oldest line in the book worked…I married him!
- Bop your head to the music. It only makes life better!
- It’s okay to not be the world’s best cook. Egg noodles and salt can be a great meal for a kid!
- Play bingo at the VFW Hall, you will have fun and might win! Point proven. I rode my bike from Minneapolis to Chicago to support AIDS services and research. I had to raise a certain amount to go. In a last ditch effort, I went to bingo and won the big prize, $500. Exactly what I needed! I kissed my little dauber and have loved colored circles since that day!
- Go when you are ready! When it comes down to it we, our own person, know what is best for us.
- Record your thoughts. My grandma asked me to help her record her life story. This was before video cameras were easily accessible, well at least to my budget at the time, so we used a tape recorder. I wish I could say I knew where those tapes are, but I have a feeling they will surface when needed.
- No matter what…feed the body! As mentioned, I received many phone calls over the years informing me it was time. I jumped on airplanes and spent a lot of money on last minute tickets. In fact, my last visit to my grandma (months before she died), I recorded songs from the 1930s thinking we could lay in bed listening to them. I had it all mapped out in my mind how my last moments would be with my grandma. On that last visit her caregivers sat her up in a chair as they changed her sheets. While sitting there together watching Wheel of Fortune I noticed my grandma kept looking at the door and then back at the TV. Keep in mind she wasn’t communicative at this point. After about 10 minutes of this she says, “Is it time?” I looked at her and said, “I don’t know…is it? You can go grandma.” I thought this is it! She sees the light and is ready to move on. The docs were actually right this time. She looked at me and said, “NO! Is it time to eat?”
This list can go on and on. Maybe it will in another entry, but for now I need to go cook breakfast for my kiddos. No egg noodles and salt this morning…cereal in a bowl!
RISE AND SHINE!
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